Everyone is a c

[loudpedal]

Lifted from another site.  Made my evening
Not sure about all of them but most are


C Word interesting discoveries NWS

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My research of the English language has resulted in many interesting discoveries.

The following report may enlighten you as to the meaning of a well used word.



The word ?c***? nowadays is used in many different ways

It is actually derived from an ancient Roman word ?cunttes? and was first heard uttered by Julius Cesar on the famous marble steps ??Ahhg!! I?ve been stabbed in the back by a bunch of cunttes !!!?

However it was another thousand years before it was heard again?strangely enough in England?by which time it had been shortened .Records show that during the Battle of Hastings King Harold was distinctly heard to exclaim - ?Forsooth!..I fear the battle is lost!! Some c*** has shot me in the eye!!? (it is rumoured?although there is little evidence available to substantiate it?that the word was then used again in a completely different context as one of his aides was heard to shout ?Gadzooks Sire!!..it will be a c*** of job pulling that out!!?)

Shortly after it became part of the English language (possibly due to its Royal connection)?and found it?s way into the dictionary where it seems to have two basic meanings?.


1.(noun) The outer female organ; The vagina

2.(noun) A very unpleasant or stupid person.


The first meaning needs no clarification?but the second could leave one a little confused?so to help you spot, and hopefully avoid, number 2?the following examples may be of some assistance to you?


All Australians are cunts. Anyone who thinks otherwise is also a c***.


The bloke with the big bushy beard, thick woollen polo neck jersey, and pint of real ale (usually tapping his foot to some noisy bloody jazz band)?..is a c***.


All Australians are cunts.


The bloke who rattles his pipe from one side of his mouth to the other then talks with it gripped between his yellow teeth convinced that he is ?Mr. Contentment??.is a c***.


Short arsed stubby blokes (who only seem to appear in the summer) with big guts, knee length baggy shorts ,football shirts and huge trainers?and walk around under the misapprehension that they look mildly athletic instead of out-of-shape twats?are cunts.


Leo Sayer is a c***.


All Australians are cunts.


The bloke who reaches 40 ? realises he is going nowhere so decides to take the character route to try to get noticed, by growing a big beard or bushy sideburns and a handlebar moustache?gets a pocket watch and turns into Dr. Watson?coming out with stuff like ?That meal I had last night was most agreeable???.is a c***.


Dennis Law was and Ainslie Harriet is?a c***.


All Australians are cunts.


The bloke who could easily retire but still works his bollocks off at 65 and still takes sh*t off young yuppie upstarts?convincing himself that he ?enjoys his job? ?when the truth is he can?t think of f*** all else to do (e.g. the jobsworth in some shithole railway sidings) ?is a c***.


The newcomer to the gym who goes through a self invented stretching exercise, wrongly convinced that all the regulars will think he knows what he?s doing?and usually wears black socks and black trainers?is a c***.


The scraggy bloke in his 40?s who, on a sunny day, walks round smoking a ciggy wearing a dark blue sleeve-less T-shirt (showing a collection of cheap fading tattoos) black socks and black trainers?and of course a f**king baseball cap?is a c***.


All Australians are cunts.


The bloke in the golf club who kills himself laughing at all the captains unfunny jokes?is a c***.


In fact all golf club captains are cunts.


Blokes who think ?You are what you drive??are cunts.


All Australians are cunts.


When you put your golf ball on a tee and it falls off?the bloke who says ?ONE!...Ha Ha Ha??is a c***.


Any bloke over 45 who wears a bandana and an earring and isn?t a member of the crew of a pirate ship ?is a c***.


The Yanks who chant ?U?S?A!!? at sporting events?are cunts.


Come to think of it all Yanks are cunts.


All Australians are cunts.


The bloke who insists on telling you how good his car is?is worse than the bloke who tells you how good he is with women?but it?s immaterial really?because they are both cunts.


Blokes who ride those bikes where you lie down and steer them under your a*se (with a f**king flag on the end of a long thin pole look like, and indeed are? cunts.


The bearded rotund loudmouth with the scarf and pint of beer in the rugby stands who shouts ?We need more ball!!? or similar obvious f**king instructions the hooker doesn?t really need telling while he?s getting his head trodden on?is a c***.


All Australians are cunts.


All Morris dancers are cunts?with no exceptions.


The misguided parent who has emptied his bank account trying to turn his offspring into another Pete Sampras ? not realising that young Darren will very soon prefer shagging?is a c***.


The bloke who goes up to the club pianist and comes out with the highly original ?Can you play far away? ?is a c***.


All Australians are cunts.


Any bloke who rides a horse and isn?t a jockey ? is a c***.


The bloke who insists on telling you about all his ailments?mistaking you for someone who gives a f***?is a c***.


Cliff Richard isn?t necessarily a c***?but he will be if he brings out another Christmas f**king record!!


Anyone who likes Hip Hop, Garage, or Rap music and is over 16?is a c***.


All Australians are cunts.


Anyone who likes all three and is over 16?is a f**king c***.


Any bloke with a Mohican haircut?is a c***?unless he was present at Custer?s Last Stand? (incidentally Custer was a c*** as well)


The Macho guys in tight jeans, cowboy boots and big Stetsons who are seen in every bloody country and western video in station wagons or around a pool table?are cunts.


All Australians are cunts.


The p*ssed-up football hooligan (usually English) in Italy, with no shirt on, who stands at the front of the mob beckoning the oncoming armoured car with both hands to ?have a go? just before the water cannon blasts him a*se over tit along the gravel leaving him upside down against a brick wall with no skin and a broken neck ?is a c***.


Jonathon Ross is a c***.


Duran Duran and Spandau Ballet are a shower of cunts.


Each member of Take That (with the possible exception of Gary Barlow) is a c***.


All Australians are cunts.


Robbie Williams obviously realised this and left?but that doesn?t matter because he?s a c*** as well.


George W. Bush is a gold plated c***. (see also ..wanker..tosspot..kn*b head).


Terry Wogan, Michael Parkinson, Paul Daniels and Sebastian Coe?not forgetting Prince Edward?are cunts.


All Australians are cunts.


I don?t know if Mel Gibson is a c***?err?yes he is?now it?s official.


Anyone who understands what baseball is all about (or even f**king cares)?is a c***


Anyone who ?works hard and plays hard??is a c***.


The Monkeys are cunts?Mickey Dolenz being the biggest.


All Australians are cunts.


The bloke in the queue at the airport with a trolley loaded up with cases surrounded by screaming kids, trying to look cool in his brand new trainers ,brand new tracky bottoms and brand new flowery shirt (with the original crease still in it)?and of course a gold bracelet round his f**king neck ?is a c***.


The whole population of Bangor are cunts.


The short arsed dancing fool in Boney M who mimes to some other pricks voice ?is a c***.


Mustn?t forget Bruce Forsythe?what a c*** he is.


All Australians are cunts.


The bloke in the driving seat of his car on his way to Wales on a Sunday accompanied by three yapping blue rinse old bags?him being the only surviving husband?is a c***.


The young bloke at the wedding with the white suit and black open neck shirt who decides he?s gonna show the older ones how the younger generation dance to the disco?is a c***.


The lad with the gaping mouth and protruding bottom lip and can of lager ? walking down the street uttering intelligent comments like ?I?m gone rip iz ?ead off!!??is a total c***.(and if you ever wonder where NOWHERE is just make a note of the direction he?s heading ).


All Australians are cunts.


It is very difficult not to think all masons are cunts?so they must be.


Blokes who stand in a circle in the pub listening intently to each other with a furrowed brow and biting their bottom lip and throwing the odd sixpeneth into the conversation as they discuss their teams midfield problems ?and think that the hairy arsed overpaid manager in his mansion gives a flying f*** what they think ?are cunts.


Ainslie Harriet is such a c*** he deserves a second mention.


All Australians are cunts.


Denis Norden , who seriously requires that clip board shoving up his a*se?is a c***.


Did I mention Ant and Dec?...pair of cunts?...I f**king think so!!.


And finally . . . . . All Australians are cunts.



So there you are. This list is by no means exhaustive but it will give you some idea of what to look for and hopeful avoid as you negotiate life?s long and winding road.


Because this word has ceased to be a swear word?it should no longer be regarded as offensive. If, however, you have been offended ?simply add your name to the above list.

[Tarwdu]

Its official.
I am a cunt.

Is there anyone on this forum who isnt?
Please tell us about yourself!

[loudpedal]

Over the years I've been called many things including a c***.
I'm sure some times they were right. <yikes>

However as posted at the start of the thread this is meant to amuse rather than offend.
If I have offend you Tarwdu I humbully apologise and beg forgiveness for any hurt inflicted.
Your Varadero web buddy  :beer:

Loudpedal.


























Now back to the farm and grow some daffodils before I forget you said your a cunt.

[gingerchin]

Over the years I've been called many things including a c***.
I'm sure some times they were right. <yikes>

However as posted at the start of the thread this is meant to amuse rather than offend.
If I have offend you Tarwdu I humbully apologise and beg forgiveness for any hurt inflicted.
Your Varadero web buddy  :beer:

Loudpedal.
Now back to the farm and grow some daffodils before I forget you said your a c***.

bolox ya c**t

[Tarwdu]

Over the years I've been called many things including a c***.
I'm sure some times they were right. <yikes>

However as posted at the start of the thread this is meant to amuse rather than offend.
If I have offend you Tarwdu I humbully apologise and beg forgiveness for any hurt inflicted.
Your Varadero web buddy  :beer:

Loudpedal.


The only way to redeem yourself is to buy me some drinks at Zams!!
Seriously though, no offence taken.  You will have to try harder than that to upset a thick skinned welshman on a tractor.
See you in Austria.























Now back to the farm and grow some daffodils before I forget you said your a c***.

[Harv]

Records show that during the Battle of Hastings King Harold was distinctly heard to exclaim - ?Forsooth!..I fear the battle is lost

I have to take issue with this factually incorrect statement...Harold is being mis-quoted...what he actually said, to one of the archers, was; 'careful you twat.... you will have some ?uckers eye out with that....'

...and the other bit thats wrong is...how long has 'WELSH' been spelt ..A-U-S-T-R-A-L-I-A-N...eh?

[Tarwdu]

I have to take issue with this factually incorrect statement...Harold is being mis-quoted...what he actually said, to one of the archers, was; 'careful you t**t.... you will have some ?uckers eye out with that....'

...and the other bit thats wrong is...how long has 'WELSH' been spelt ..A-U-S-T-R-A-L-I-A-N...eh?

At least we have some use in life.